Derived Sins
by Ada-Xavier
Summary: [Suikoden IV] While delivering a message to Elenor Silverberg, Paula finds that appearances can be very deceptive.


The dull amber glow from a small candle constantly flickered and waned in the cabin as the large ship travelled over the raucous sea. Occasionally, the waves would crash loudly against the hull, causing the young woman to wake up and groan, before turning onto her side to drift off to sleep again.

The past few days at sea had been stormy; making the long journey from The Kingdom of Obel to the Kooluk Fortress of El-Eal seem even longer. When the crew wasn't working on the deck, they were confined to their small, stuffy cabins for the evening with many of the crewmembers beginning to feel rather seasick.

The young woman woke once more, although it wasn't from the thunderous clamour of the sea this time but from a faint knock at the door.

"Paula? Are you in here?"

She rubbed her bleary eyes with the back of her hand before slowly sitting up in a lethargic manner. The knock repeated once more but louder and more urgent this time.

"Paula!"

"Come in!" Said the elf after clearing her throat.

A man wearing a soaked cloak bustled into the room, a rectangle of light from the hall played across the dusty floor causing the figure's shadow to creep eerily up the wall. He pulled back his hood to reveal his sodden black hair and his face was pink from the lashing of the rain. His eyes travelled to Paula's slender arms and bare shoulders above the bedcovers.

"I'm sorry, Paula. I didn't realise you were sleeping!" Said the man in a hasty and nervous voice. "Or I-I wouldn't have come barging in here like that."

She didn't care. She was too tired and she could feel that nauseating feeling creeping over her body again as the ship rocked back and forth.

"Never mind, Desmond." She said in a groggy voice. "What can I help you with?"

"We need more hands on deck! We didn't have time to repair the damage the Kooluk Fleet inflicted and the storms have damaged the masts further." He stopped as he pushed his wet hair from his eyes. "The storm has wreaked so much havoc and we don't need something like this happening when we have a decisive battle ahead of us."

Desmond's rushed and frantic words were barely registering with Paula. She let out an incoherent, sleepy mumble that sounded something like "I shall help you" as she lay back down in bed as if she couldn't sit upright any longer. She watched Desmond through half-closed eyes. He took a few deep and soothing breaths as he tried to calm himself. He often got rather flustered and nervous with his duties. He bent over Paula and looked at her apologetically.

"I'm sorry for waking you. I heard you haven't been feeling well." Said Desmond in a gentler voice. "I was wondering if you'd do me a favour though."

The adjutant watched Paula try to suppress a frown with little success. Thus sensing her annoyance, Desmond spoke quickly and his voice broke as he rushed nervously. "I-If it's not too much trouble – that is if you don't mind of course, could you please deliver something to L-Lady Elenor for me? I would do it myself but I-I just have so much to do…"

Desmond didn't wait for an answer. Paula opened her eyes a little as Desmond pulled a brown envelope from under his cloak and placed it on the table. He gave her a swift bow before leaving the room. The trace of rectangular light disappeared and soon the warm amber beacon took over the room once more, swaying in motion with the movements of the large ship.

The feeling of nausea had subsided since Paula had lain down but there was something else troubling her. She was feeling rather reluctant about going to visit the army's tactician, Elenor Silverberg. The nerves of the final battle were now replaced with something far more trivial. As much as she dreaded the visit, Desmond had asked her to go and she would go despite her personal feelings on the matter.

She lay in bed for a few more minutes; the nerves were getting worse as each second drew past. She watched the flame of the candle dance back and forth and listened to the rain beating off the deck. She'd rather stay in her dusty room than be on the deck repairing leaks and masts. She'd rather repair leaks and masts than visit Elenor Silverberg yet the envelope on the table was right in front of her as if reminding her that she'd never disobey an order.

After letting out a sigh, she pulled herself out of bed and dressed clumsily; she didn't even bother to put on her boots as she planned to go back to bed after delivering the item to Elenor. She picked up the large envelope, finding it was rather damp. It was probably just a collection of documents or reports. A collection of documents or reports that were not for her eyes nor anything that would interest her.

Clutching the envelope under her arm, Paula left her room and climbed the numerous flights of stairs to the first floor. The landing was empty; she stopped to take a deep breath before proceeding along the hall until she reached the door to the tactician's room. She slowly raised her hand to the door, knocking lightly with her knuckles. As she waited, her heart thudded in her chest with nervousness. She bowed her head forward slightly, causing her strawberry-blonde hair to fall over her eyes. She heard some mumbles coming from inside and soft footsteps travelling towards the door. Paula jerked her head up as the door whipped back with force and Agnes' slender frame appeared in the door.

"Excuse me, it's late! Lady Elenor will not receive you. She is not entertaining tonight. Goodbye!" Said Agnes tartly.

Paula opened her mouth to reply, only the door was slammed closed before she had a chance to utter a word. She frowned. Human courtesy certainly disgusted her at times. She strained her ears, listening to the conversation coming from the tactician's room. One of the voices was Agnes; youthful and high-pitched whereas the other speaker was clearly an older woman; her words slurred and her voice husky.

"Who was it?"

"I don't know. It was an elf. I've seen her around before."

"What did she want?"

"She probably wanted to bother you with something so I told her to go away. Would you like some more wine?"

"Agnes, I'm expecting something. Let her in."

"Yes, Lady Elenor." Said the young girl in an exasperated voice.

The soft footsteps steadily grew louder, travelling slowly towards the door.

"Don't forget to apologise." Said the tactician in a loud voice.

The door opened in the same arrogant manner. "Lady Elenor will receive you. Hurry now."

Paula didn't care for Agnes' lack of manners and gave her a dark look upon entering the room. Elenor's room was somewhat bigger than the other cabins. The room was well lit but reeked of alcohol and had an unkempt, dirty feeling about it.

Elenor didn't seem to care. The strategist was lazily sitting behind a long desk, her head was propped up on her hand and she gazed at some reports despite her eyes looking rather bleary and irritated. As Paula stepped forth towards the woman, she slowly raised her eyes before sitting upright. She had a glint in her eye, that of a wolf who had spotted its prey.

"Good evening." She said in her husky voice.

"Good evening, Lady Elenor." Paula said with a bow. "My name is Paula and I am a former knight of Gaien. I am sorry to disturb you at such a late hour but Mr. Desmond has given me something addressed to you."

Elenor merely laughed slickly. "You don't need to be so formal."

Paula could feel herself blushing. She placed the envelope on the desk hurriedly and gave the tactician another bow. Elenor was watching her curiously like she had never saw an elf before. With her eyes still fixed on Paula, she slowly picked up the documents, looking at the seal briefly before opening. She pulled out the sheets of parchment and read with her filmy and bloodshot eyes, her lips moving with her each word she read. Paula waited eagerly and awkwardly to be dismissed. She could feel Agnes looking at her in disgust from behind.

After a few minutes, Elenor raised her eyes to Paula. "Sit down." She said as she motioned to the chair across from the desk.

Paula didn't want to sit down. She didn't want to be disrespectful either. She clumsily sat down on the high backed chair.

"Lady Elenor!" Called Agnes in a singsong voice from behind. She was about to say something else but the strategist interrupted her.

"Agnes, go and busy yourself." Said Elenor dismissively with a wave of her hand. "Go on."

"But Lady Elenor!" Whined Agnes. "You need to rest for the battle tomorrow!"

"Enough. You heard me."

With a sigh and a stomp, the attendant had left the room, leaving Paula alone with the tactician. Elenor opened her desk drawer and pulled a fine quill and some ink out then began writing on the parchment. The scratching of the quill on the paper filled the room. Paula pushed her ginger hair away from her face only for it to flop into her eyes again, wishing she had worn her headband. Elenor remained silent, allowing Paula's eyes to travel around the room, noting the fully stocked wine rack; the maps and charts on the walls; rumpled bed covers; wine bottles on the desk…

"So, Paula, you're a former Knight of Gaien then." Elenor said abruptly still buried in writing. "What brings you here?"

"The Gaien that I grew up in is not the same Gaien that we have today."

The strategist let out a murmur of agreement and continued to write. "You're a friend of our leader, aren't you?"

"Yes, I've always known that he did not kill Commander Glen so therefore I will support my friend in any and every way I can."

"You sound like a loyal friend." Said Elenor as she reached across the desk for the opened bottle of wine. "Stay and have a drink with me."

Paula immediately grew startled and her stomach writhed with nerves like a coiling serpent. "No thank you, Lady Elenor. I should go." Paula stood up.

"Go up to the deck in this storm? Don't be stupid." Elenor replied huskily. "While you're standing, get some clean glasses."

Elenor pointed to shelves behind Paula. She felt like her fate was sealed. She reluctantly made her way over, grabbing the nearest glasses and returned to the desk, kicking up dust from the floor with her bare feet. The strategist was writing again and rubbing her eye with her index finger. "I'll finish these soon." She mumbled. "You can return them to Desmond for me."

Elenor took her hand away from her face leaving her eyes more bloodshot than ever and stopped writing. She dropped the quill on the desk and began pouring the wine into the glasses carelessly. Paula watched dark red liquid slide over the sides of the crystal clear glass and then splash onto the desk. Paula clenched her teeth seeing as Elenor didn't stop pouring until both glasses were filled to the brim, making her stay longer than necessary.

Paula felt the nausea creeping over her body again as she looked at the wine. She wanted to leave. She wanted to be in bed again. She carefully allowed herself a quick glance over Elenor's tired, hazy eyes. She probably shared Paula's wishes.

"Lady Elenor, may I be so bold?" Paula began, looking at the tactician. "Perhaps you should get some rest for the battle tomorrow? You seem to be rather tired…"

The tactician groaned and lifted her glass of wine. "Don't you start too. Having one Agnes is bad enough."

Elenor put the glass to her lips and took a few swift gulps, almost finishing half of the glass. "So, what did it feel like to be back in Razril then? It had been a while, hadn't it?"

"Yes. Gaien has forsaken Razril. Razril is nothing more than a shadow of its former self. Why did Gaien not come to our aid?"

"I'm sure Gaien had their reasons at the time."

Paula frowned. "What reasons would they have for abandoning part of their colony?"

"Maybe they wanted to avoid open war with Kooluk." Said Elenor after taking a small sip of wine.

"Kooluk attacking Razril was an act of war against Gaien. Why did they not help us?" Paula repeated firmly. "We would not be in this mess if they had."

Elenor looked deeply into Paula's eyes as if deciding whether she would understand or not. The surly and drunken tactician no longer intimidated Paula and she glared back at the woman who sat before her, the girl's face was alight with indignation. Elenor held her gaze for some time before finally lowering her eyes. "You wouldn't understand. The world isn't black and white. You are a mere child. You wouldn't understand the shades of grey in between."

"Excuse me, Lady Elenor. I beg to differ with you." Paula stopped as she didn't dare continue and took a drink of wine.

Elenor leaned forward. "Go on."

"You say that I am only a child but I stand up and fight with everyone else. I do my best and I am involved yet you will not answer my question because you say I am too young to understand."

The tactician didn't say anything and leaned back in her chair again with the glass of wine clutched in her hand. The light from the lanterns above cast a warm, golden glow onto her face, which highlighted the dark marks of weariness around her eyes and she seemed to look much older and deeply exhausted.

Elenor sighed. "You choose to fight but you can't choose to understand something that's above your head. There's a difference. You either understand or you don't."

The woman's tone worried Paula. Her words had become far more slurred and her voice was filled with a bitter sadness. Paula looked away from Elenor while taking a slow and long sip from her glass. "I am sorry…" She uttered in a mere whisper. "I have said too much."

"Don't be sorry and you haven't said too much." Elenor replied with her voice no longer filled with sorrow. "Don't mind me, Paula. I'm just an old woman paying for past mistakes."

Hearing the Lady tactician speak so freely caused Paula to feel rather embarrassed. She lowered the glass of wine to her lap and gazed into the dark liquid, she didn't dare to speak or look at Elenor.

Elenor didn't speak either but Paula could hear the woman's clothes rustling and the gulping of her compulsive drinking. The elf slowly raised her head to see that Elenor had emptied her glass and was sitting in her chair with the bottle pressed to her lips and swigging the liquor heartily. After draining the bottle, she placed it on the desk and wiped her mouth with her sleeve.

"Sorry. I was enjoying it." The strategist stopped and let out a satisfied sigh. "That was certainly fine wine from Kanakan. It was a good year too…"

"I thought so." Said Paula after taking a small sip. "It is rather elegant and complicated… for me, at least."

Elenor laughed huskily. "I wouldn't expect someone so young to appreciate it. Go on, drink up."

The familiar wave of nausea swept over Paula again, although this time it was accompanied by the beginnings of a headache. She pressed her fingers to the side of her forehead and let out a tiny groan. "I'm sorry, Lady Elenor. I don't feel very good…"

She slowly placed the glass on the desk and took a deep breath. Elenor leaned forward with a concerned look on her face. "You don't feel well? Go and lie down." Said the strategist in a wary voice.

"Please, there is no need to worry-…"

Elenor's slurred voice seeped across Paula's empty words. "Enough. Just lie down over there, alright? I'll fix up something for you."

Paula knew better than to argue with an adamant dragon in its own den so she obeyed the tactician's commands. She laid down and immediately after doing so; the uncomfortable pains in her stomach and the nausea subsided slightly, although the terrible headache remained. Paula found Elenor's bed to be rather uncomfortable; the mattress was so soft that felt as if she was sinking in. Her head rested on a thin, beaten pillow that smelled like a combination of damp earth and stale spirits that she tried her best to ignore.

Paula placed her wrist on her warm forehead while watching Elenor out the corner of her eye. The strategist was clearly three sheets to the wind, although more than usual this time. Elenor had stood up in a disorientated manner with her hand pressed to the side of her head. She ran her other hand over the edge of the desk as she moved.

Elenor didn't get far before she bumped her thigh hard against the far corner of the desk, knocking a glass to the floor. The tinkle of shattering glass rang clear in the room as the wine glasses fell to the floor one after the other, although Elenor shortly drowned it out as she let out a loud curse.

After muttering more curse words under her breath, Elenor made her way over to the cabinet in the corner of the room. She rummaged around inside for some time, filling the room with the thuds of items as she knocked them over. Paula closed her eyes and let out a long sigh. Heavy raindrops were beating off the wooden panels outside and the wind whistled lightly through the gaps between the wood. The sound of the storm outside seemed to absorb the clamour of construction and commotion above the tactician's cabin. They were alone and they were forgotten.

Paula slowly opened her eyes to find that she was lying on her side with one arm hanging over the side of the bed. She must have fallen asleep – in someone else's bed! How terribly rude.

She raised her eyes to see Elenor standing over her in her familiar stance with one hand on her hip, although a small, one-sided smile played across her face. Paula moved her legs back as Elenor sat on the edge of the bed beside her. She started to get up but soon felt Elenor's hand on her shoulder, guiding her back down.

"Don't get up on my account."

Elenor was rolling a small vial around in her hand. It was filled with a pale yellow coloured liquid. "Are you nervous for tomorrow or are you just seasick?"

"A little of both, I think. I am slightly nervous although, I do know that I shouldn't be feeling that way…"

"It's normal to be a little nervous. Especially before such a big battle." Elenor raised the vial and handed it to Paula. "This should make you feel better."

"What is it?" Said Paula as she sat up.

"A lot of medicinal herbs grew around the island where I lived. It worked on Reinbach and it should work on you too." Elenor stopped and she shook her head with a strange smile on her face. "He's a strange boy. In fact, the Reinbach family are generally strange."

Paula let out a small murmur of acknowledgment as she unscrewed the lid of the vial. She didn't know the flamboyant aristocrat personally but from the distance at which she had observed him; he certainly was – as Elenor had put it – strange.

After slowly raising the vial of yellowish liquid to her lips, Paula took a small sip and her face contorted in disgust at the strong taste. "It is rather bitter…"

Elenor chuckled to herself huskily. "What did you expect it to taste like? Drink it all."

Yet again, Paula obeyed Elenor. Luckily the vial was rather small and she managed to consume it all in a few swift gulps. The bitter taste clung to her mouth and had stung her throat. She longed for a glass of water.

"A Knight of Gaien from the Marine Academy feeling seasick?" Elenor paused for effect. "And elves living in Razril amongst humans. I don't know what's more bizarre."

Paula lowered her head and suddenly the vial she held in her fingers became very interesting. She repeatedly ran a fingernail over the glass thread at the top of the small container. Paula's voice became softer and quieter. "Even Gaien Knights get seasick. Most of the crew are really feeling the strain at the moment."

"I'm not interested in the rest of the crew. I'm asking about you." Said Elenor, her tone not of condemnation but of genuine interest.

Paula thought for a few moments yet she could not find a suitable answer to offer the tactician. She continued to study the vial in her hand while scraping her fingernail over the thread, hoping that Elenor would give up and decide not to pursue the question any further but she was given a little shock. With surprising accuracy despite being intoxicated with alcohol, Elenor batted the vial out of Paula's hands, sending it to the floor. It rolled along the floor until it disappeared under the desk.

"It was annoying me." Said Elenor curtly. "Hit a nerve, have I?"

In the short period of time that Paula had spent alone with Elenor Silverberg, she had learned that shying away from the strategist's intimidating personality didn't work. She could see Elenor looking at her intently. She turned to face her, looking deeply into her dark eyes.

"Unlike the rest of my kin, I hold no grudges against humans."

"Are you from the Scarlet Moon Empire or Na-Nal?"

Still holding the woman's gaze, Paula felt an uncontrollable frown sweep across her forehead. "My mother was banished from the village in Na-Nal and to further punish her for her so-called crimes, I am too."

Elenor's bloodshot eyes glinted with the same sadness as before and once again, her words became more slurred and her voice distant and dream like. "I empathise with you. I sympathise with you for being banished for something that was out of your own control. My heart is heavy with guilt and my soul is filled with sin."

"You should try not to dwell on the past and concentrate on the future instead."

"Easier said than done. The past doesn't forget; especially when there are constant reminders everywhere." Elenor sighed. "You must be tired of listening to me."

Paula pushed some stray hairs away from her eye and gave Elenor a small, sad smile. "Not at all. It's been nice talking to you. It makes a difference from…" Paula stopped as she felt an affectionate hand holding the side of her head.

"It makes a difference from Agnes." Elenor said.

Paula laughed slightly but Elenor's expression slowly became serious. "I want tomorrow to go as smoothly as possible and I want you to get some rest."

"Please, don't worry about me, Lady Elenor…" Paula said as she lowered her head ever so slightly. "It's you who needs some well deserved rest. You have an important task to accomplish tomorrow."

Elenor's face remained grim as she gently raised Paula's head and looked into her eyes. "I know… I wish you all the best for tomorrow and… thank you, Paula…"


End file.
